lotionlady's Xanga

Spring Break

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:45:46 GMT

It's spring break here in Pensacola and that always brings to the beach a steady flow of young, pasty white, skinny boys who walk up and down the beach in search of a any girl who's, shall we say, "willing." Their pants are saggin', every other word outta their mouth is the "F-bomb," they're chain smoking and are staggering around at 11:00 am--beer in hand. Well, this Saturday, Jeremy and I went out there to enjoy the beautiful weather and each others company when: I needed to go potty. So Jeremy stays with our stuff and I trek to the bathroom by myself. On the way back to the beach, I am approached by one of these boys. He looks me over head to toe and loudly comments, "Girl, you look sexy today." Now, this happens to me every time I go to the beach--not because I'm some super model, but because these guys are just stupid-- and I never have a zippy come-back. Usually, I just ignore them. But this day I was on my game and the words just came to my lips. . . ... . . .I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Not bad for a man, hey?" and just kept on walking! It was awesome! The look of shock and confusion on his face! Ha, ha, ha!! I loved it!! The perfect come-back is a beautiful thing.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 02:44:47 GMT

So it's pretty much spring here/summer and of course we're all in shorts and t-shirts by now. So I wanted to get a jump-start on my tan. So I'm at the tanning salon today and I'm using the big stand-up bed. I get undressed, apply my lotion, and get ready to enter that upright coffin when I realize I don't have a hair tie and my long hair will cause tan lines if I don't put it up. I'm not putting my clothes back on to ask the girl at the front desk for a rubber band. . . . . .so I had to improvise. . . . . .Guess what I used to tie up my hair!!!!!

Biggest reason: I'm lazy

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 16:33:48 GMT

The reasons why I don't want to go to the gym:

I'm too hungry right now

If I eat, I'll be too full

My knees have been kinda hurting lately

All my cute gym clothes are dirty

I have cramps

Its cloudy and dreary outside and I'd much rather watch tv

I think people stare at me--what is she wearing? what a big butt! etc

I don't know what to work on today

I'm sick of my ipod music

I'm tired

My house needs cleaning

I'd rather eat chips and cookies

I DON'T WANT TO!!!

Can I get a witness?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Thu, 15 Nov 2007 04:17:55 GMT

Is it Thursday already? This week has flown by! Lots to look forward to with Thanksgiving and all. The holidays are here. And I know that everyone always says that Christmas comes earlier and earlier every year, but this year it really did. The Christmas decorations were up in the mall about 2 weeks ago. Our Santa came about 1 week ago and he just sits in his big red chair all day long, bored as a rock. No body is ready for Santa yet. It's too early. Shell, I'm at work and I'm hearing Bing sing White Christmas. You know that's a sacrelig. Bing in Nov? And to top it off, it was 80 degrees here. And Trust me, I am not complaining: I love this warm weather, but it's hard to get in the holiday spirit without some frost on the window and a chill in the air. I'll have stock up on cold when I get to PA. I'm so excited!!! Have a good week!!

Shameless bragging!!

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 16:54:26 GMT

Tuesday I did 30 pull ups, 90 push ups and some other painfull stuff. Not it a row, though!! In increments. In the space of about 20-25 minutes. But I'm proud of myself, because I had no idea I could do that much. But the bad news is: now that I know I can do all that, I have to take it to the next level. . . . which is even more painfull. I can do it!! I want to be like Sarah Connor on Terminator 2!!! What a silly goal in life!!

Money

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 01:28:39 GMT

I just filled out an online survey for Starbucks. I've just earned the chance to win $1,000!!! (When ya'll fill out those surveys, do you actually believe that you may be the one who wins the prize. I always think I'm gonna be the one to win. But I never do. Even so, I think I'm gonna win those 1,000 bucks this time!!!) What would you do with a quick grand??

BTW: Happy Halloween!!!

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 03:28:30 GMT

This morning my eyes popped open at 8:07. The alarm was set for 9. It's not normal for me to wake before the alarm, but this morning, I did, and there had to be a reason why. Usually when I wake suddenly it's because I heard something, or Jeremy is breathing directly in my face, or I'm gonna be sick, that sorta thing. But none of these things were so. So why was I awake? I couldn't think of anything. Foreshadowing!

I went about my morning, sipping coffee and eating cocoa krispies while watching the Today show. My day was planned: Baby shower at 11. Work at 1. Get ready for both from 9-10, then go to Walmart for gift bags from 10:15-10:30 and make it to the church by 10:45. (Arrive fifteen minutes early. Get a good seat. Help out in the kitchen. Yada Yada.) I was exact in my scheduling and pulled into the church parking lot at 10:45 sharp. An empty parking lot, that is. That's okay. I'm early. Maybe no one's here yet. And then the moment of realization: The baby shower was from 9-11. Not 11-1. I was an hour and 45 minutes late. Everybody was already gone.

So now I must go to church tomorrow with LATE gifts and explain to everyone why I wasn't there. It bothers me that my gifts are late. It bothers me that I mixed up the numbers. It really bothers me that I look like a fool. It bothers me that my gifts are late. I had such good gifts. And so beautifully wrapped too. But people mess up, right? I'll still give them the gifts, of course. But you know they're thinking that I bought them after the shower. I bought them well before, I say!!!!

So my subconscience woke me at 8. That's what I figure. My subconscience knew I had to be somewhere--that I had to get up. But I did not listen.

That's all.

Stories and such

Sat, 23 Jun 2007 05:02:30 GMT

Wow. I just now couldn't find my blog: like didn't know the address, and I couldn't remember how to make a new entry.

Funny story: I love it!! Ha. Ha. I love this story!! Okay: so today a man approached me and asked me where all the $5 sale items were. (Under the 3X3 foot sign that reads: FIVE DOLLARS, I wanted to say. But that's not the funny part.) So I point and kindly say, "Right over there where those two ladies are shopping." "Two ladies?" he says with a grin. I look over at them again, not yet realizing my mistake. And by the way, the two "ladies" are in ear shot. Then the big black man laughs at me and says, "Those ain't both ladies. One of them's a dude." I look again. Yes. One of them is a dude. And they heard me. Awkward moment. What could I say? What could I do? This dude had long hair in a pony-tail, was short, and had a skinny body. Besides, I could only see their backs. Any of you would have made the same assumption. So, like an idiot, I excused myself and hid in the back room until they all left. My whole point is that I stick my foot in my mouth all the time. Like not even because I'm a jerk, but because I'm a little dumb. [Pause] A cute kind of dumb though. Like the other day, we were at Barnes and noble and this little girl walks by and it appears that she doesn't have any arms. And I say to Jeremy (too loudly), "that girl looks like she doesn't have any arms." But all the while I'm thinking that this girl must have arms because all little girls have arms who go to Barnes and Noble. [Pause] And then I turn my head to look again, and , . . . . .Oh my Sweet God in Heaven!!! I look and see that the little girl, in fact, does not have arms. She has nubs. And I had said "that girl looks like she doesn't have any arms" so loudly before, and now I had totally offended her, and her parents, and shocked all the people sitting nearby in their saggy arm chairs. At this point I am buried in Jeremy's arm--hiding from the torching glares. He--at this point--is so embarrassed of me that he want's to leave. I know this because he actually said that. I just don't know. I have a nack for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. And too loudly. Maybe that should be my point: That I should talk quieter.

Share your favorite "Foot in the Mouth" moment.

Good night.

By the way. She HAD arms. I looked over again to check one last time and she had arms. Apparently she had them pulled in her shirt like you do when your arms are cold. I had seen her hands and thought they were nubs. Oops!! All that drama for nothing. :)

This background and font color make me want to have a mint chocolate milk shake from Chik fil a.

Bo dum, di dum, di dum, dum

Thu, 21 Dec 2006 02:55:24 GMT

I don't think I can get into another American Idol season. I feel like I've seen and heard it all. I don't care who wins anymore. I saw Taylor Hicks on Martha Stewart. I wasn't impressed. (By Martha, I'm always impressed, but Hicks, not so much.) And I think, more than anything, I'm sick of Ryan Seacrest. And then a close second is the theme music. "Bo dum, di dum, di dum, dum" And the cliff hangers: "And the last person in the bottom four is. . . . .going to have to wait till after this commercial to find out!!!" But I must say, I do have a secret crush on Simon. He has the kinda mean/honest/really funny personality I have to supress. (I'm working on being less critical, and being more nice.) He's my favorite. He reminds me of my dad. And now, according to some mathimatical reasoning, I have a crush on my dad. Oh well. But I just don't have the strength to be committed to another drawn out season. Anyone feelin' me?

New Burger

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 03:09:00 GMT

Have any of you seen the Hardee's commercial for the new Chili Cheese Burger? I swear it looks like he's eating a diarrhea sandwich, complete with spattering pieces that end up all over his clothes and his french fries. I can't bear to watch, but somehow, I can't look away.